Facilitating Like a Boss: 10 Playful Tips for Mixing Groups, Smoothing Transitions, Choosing Partners, and Breaking Patterns

Teachers, trainers, facilitators. Heck–parents, babysitters, and camp counselors. We all know that skillful transitions can make a huge difference in the quality of the experience we’re trying to lead. If we can shift groups, find partners, change places and forge multiple connections in ways that are both playfully spacious and effectively efficient, we’re halfway home to whatever larger purpose we’re serving. We ease anxiety, we soften resistance and we defuse any tantrums—from kids or adults—before they even get ramped up. In that safer, more playful space, groups get more creative, more curious and more connected. The good just flows.

This blog post shares a handful of favorite exercises and tips that I’ve learned over my 30+ years of leading groups. I hope they prove helpful to you—and that if you’ve got any others that you’ll love, you’ll add them in the comments!

“Monster Baby on the Loose!”

“Monster Baby on the Loose”

I learned this group-choosing method from Martín Blank, another EQ Schools-connected gamesmith. He taught it as “Fire on the Mountain” but after last year’s disasters in Sonoma and Los Angeles, I decided to lean on the faux-fear-bringer of our podcast name.

The leader teaches the group that when they hear the playfully panicky call-out “Monster Baby on the Loose!”, they should respond with “Run! Run! Run!” Make sure to have the group practice that a few times to get them enthusiastically solid with the call and response dynamic. Then, add in “Now, when you say ‘Run! Run! Run!,’ you need to run, run, run.” (Note: it may be helpful to add in an encouragement to run carefully for safety’s sake.)

The leader repeats that directive a few times to get the group in motion and then yells out “Find a group of…” and chooses a number. The leader should also mention “If you can’t find a group, come towards the center to find one.” The large group scrambles quickly to find a group to belong to. Most likely, a small number will remain ungrouped. Those folks can do a “DANCE PARTY!!!” with the leader in the center. If you can pump some music for that short window of time, that’s great. Even without music, if you’re a goofball with whoever was ‘left out,’ they’ll feel fine. The “pain” of not having a group will get overwashed with the fun of the dancing.

Repeat as many times as you like to get the group energized and end with a number that suits the group size for your next exercise.

Secret Handshake

This is a great little way to build supportive connections within the group and between people who might not otherwise know each other.

Have people find a partner, preferably one they don’t know. Then say something like the following: “With this partner, create a secret handshake that belongs to just you two. Make sure to create it together, each of you adding elements to the final sequence so it’s not just one person telling the other what to do. When you’ve got it set, make sure to practice it several times so you’ve got it in your bones.”

When that feels settled, have folks find another pair. Then you can offer this direction: “Find a nickname for your partner that will delight them. It can be anything—The Sweet Princess, Madame President, McExpert, Big Kahuna, or whatever—but it should delight them. If your partner recommends a name that doesn’t delight you, you can respond with a high-pitched, eyes-wide-open ‘Nope!’ and they’ll choose another. Make sure you get one for each of you.”

Then when everyone’s got a nickname for their partner, have them spread out across the room and then approach each other as if they’re at a college reunion and they’re seeing their friend with this nickname for the first time in many years. Then, go reunite with that person that you haven’t seen and use their nickname in your greeting.

To your Secret Handshake partner: “Seal later!”

Once you’ve done that, have folks go find their Secret Handshake partner and do the handshake again. Then go back to their Nickname buddy and repeat it. Then, find a third partner.

With the third partner, create a Word-at-a-Time Aphorism, a saying for life. (It’s great if it’s related to your topic in the workshop or the class. If I were working with teachers, for example, I might have them create a word of advice for new teachers on their first day in the classroom.) As the name sounds like, you just alternate between each person, creating the words of wisdom with each person saying one…word…at…a…time. When the aphorism is complete, say it together out loud multiple times so you ingrain in your memory.

Then go find your Secret Handshake partner to repeat your handshake. And your Nickname buddy. And then come back to your Aphorism partner and repeat your saying.

The game can continue with as many partnerships as you like, using different patterns or playful interactions with each new partner. Other possibilities include:

Keeper of the Secrets—share a real, but not-too-personal secret from your childhood with your partner. (“I once took a candy bar from the corner store” might be an appropriate level of vulnerability, for example.) When you reunite, imagine your childhood buddies seeing each other and, with a nod, say out loud “Your secret’s safe with me” and keep moving on.
Toy Noise—Each share a sound effect from a kids’ toy that you played with as a child. Even better, add a gesture to go with it.
Touchdown Dance—Imagine you and your partner have just made a huge play in a big competition. What’s the dance you’d do to celebrate and get the crowd pumped up?
Great Guru—This partner before you is a saint and spiritual teacher that you’ve been searching for over the last ten years. You’ve finally found them. What would be your gesture of deep respect?
Dance Craze—With your partner, come up with the next dance craze movement sequence, including a catchy name for it.
Object Safeguard—Give your partner something that you have with you—a watch, a coin, your phone, some keys—and let them take care of that object during the remainder of the game. Whenever you reunite, let your partner know you’re taking good care of their object.
Affirmation Buddy—Jump up and down and high-ten this partner three times, each time saying “You’re the best!”

After introducing each one, make sure to go back to previous partners to reinforce those connections. It can be good to mix up the order for variety’s sake or preserve the order for groups that need the familiarity. And, of course, mix and match for the available time you’ve got.

If you choose the Word-at-a-Time Aphorism, it can be a treat to share some of the aphorisms with the large group. Same with the dance crazes.

American Sign Language for “I Love You.” Now, kindly sssshhhh.

“I Love You” for quieting a group

A personal pet peeve of mine is when facilitators yell over their groups to regain attention. It exhausts the leader and chips away at the trust with the group—it’s a dominant, forceful maneuver.

Another option works in a much gentler manner that preserves and builds trust within the group. Before going into an exercise where you’ll need to reclaim attention, hold up the American Sign Language symbol for “I love you” and explain its meaning: “This means ‘I love you’ in American Sign Language. I’ll use it today to mean ‘I love you and I kindly request that you please be quiet.’ If you see me raise my hand like this, you can stop talking and then raise your own hand so folks nearby you we need to be quiet.”

I always like to give folks the chance to practice the quieting-down skill, both because it’s fun (“Talk amongst yourselves like you were at a party.”) and it gives them the reward of doing it well before it’s really needed.

“If you can hear me…”

Another method for regaining the group’s attention more artfully than by yelling over them is to, in regular voice, say “If you can hear me, clap once.” Then, “If you can hear me, clap twice,” continuing on with an extra clap each time. As you go, you’ll gain more and more people’s attention and those who are ‘in on the secret’ will enjoy the chance to affirm that by helping you out.

Thank Your Partner

After almost every exercise we do, I encourage participants to “Thank your partner (or partners) in a way that feels appropriate to both (or all) of you.” This acknowledges and strengthens the connection that’s been made and offers a clear punctuation mark for moving on.

A different spot in the circle will bring different perspectives in with it.

New Spot in the Circle

I prefer to do most exercises in a circle formation if I can. Everyone in the group is equidistant from the center, everyone can see everyone else, and the shape communicates (and creates) a sense of togetherness.

If I sense a group is losing energy or needs a reboot after an exercise, I’ll direct them to “Find another spot in the circle, standing next to new people.” That gets everyone moving so they get some energy back. They’re also literally seeing the room from a different perspective. And, of course, now they’re standing next to new people so if you choose partners this way, they’ll have someone new to work with.

Note: almost inevitably, someone will want to stay in the same place and let others come to them. I ask those people to move as well—“Everyone moves!”—and, if necessary, let them know that the new perspective is part of the deal.

Turn to a New Partner

If I’ve just done an exercise in pairs in a circle and intend to move to another pair exercise, I’ll get us back in the main circle next to that original partner. Then, after thanking that partner as suggested earlier, I’ll say “Turn away from that partner to face a new one.” Voila! Someone to work with!

Who Goes First?

Rather than taking a whole bunch of time asking pairs or triads to figure out an order for who goes first—and reinforcing people’s default tendencies to step forward or hold back—I like to randomize it a bit to add the fun element of surprise.

One standard, reliable technique: have partners choose who will be “A” and who will be “B”. Then you the facilitator determines who goes go first. Making sure to have B occasionally go first sometimes keeps your participants on their toes.

To add an extra element of play, however, I almost always choose whimsical substitutes for A and B. One of you is porpoise, one is dolphin. Or One of you is peanut butter, the other is jelly. Or One of you is pickle, one is cucumber. They’ll have no chance to predict which side will end up going first—and they’ll likely smile in the process of choosing.

“Which is pickle…”

“…and which is cucumber?”

Two tips if you go with that last method of more playful options:

Keep the options equally attractive or neutral. For example, One of you is hero, the other loser might lead to a bit of struggle. J
Make sure the folks know that the category they’re choosing only serves the purpose of determining who’s going first. It’s not intended to color their response. To wit, I once had someone respond to a prompt from the point of view of peanut butter. When I realized what had happened, I cracked up—and knew to offer clearer directions next time.

Bold Partner Choice [1]

Often times, if I ask folks to find a partner, they’ll act like a wallflower at a middle school dance, looking around sheepishly with slumped shoulders and an apologetic tilt of the eyebrows. Maybe they’ll turn to someone next to them, trailing off: “Um, would you like to…I mean, I don’t know…” Or maybe they’ll take the introvert approach—one I know well—and just wait to see who comes by close enough to ask.

Well, this method chooses a different attitude for finding a partner. This one says, “Look across the circle and spot someone you’d like to partner with. When I give the direction, walk boldly toward that person and declare with great vigor and a charming smile, ‘I’d like to partner with you.’ If you hear someone say that to you, you can respond enthusiastically with ‘I was so hoping you would ask! Yes!’ Or, if you’ve already been asked, you can say with an equally charming smile, ‘Thank you, but I’ve already been asked. Perhaps later?’”

It’s remarkable how much the boldness changes the vibe in the room. At minimum, folks enjoy “putting on” a boldness that they wouldn’t normally dare to express. More likely, they’ll realize they can assert themselves more joyfully—and it feels good.

Spokes In/Spokes Out

I don’t remember where I learned this one but it’s great for opening or closing groups when you’re in a hurry.

As with so many other exercises here, this one draws on the structure of the circle. When we stand in a circle, we’re all equidistant from the center, which could represent our shared purpose. That purpose forms the hub, our reason for convening, around which every movement turns. Each of us stands facing that purpose and, extending a right arm toward the center, serves as a spoke to support its function. As on a wheel, each spoke provides strength for the group.

The spokes support the center of the wheel.

Given all that, when we first gather, we take a quick moment to re-align with our purpose together. Maybe we share a breath or two. Then, we lower our arms into the center, counting to three, and together recite, “Spokes in!” From that moment forward, we have officially convened.

Then, at the end of the experience, we do the reverse. Everyone puts their hands toward the center, counts to three aloud, and then lifts their arm out, saying “Spokes out!”

Usually I would prefer to end my classes with a minute of silence, but sometimes I didn’t have that much time. In those moments, “Spokes Out!” was a great ally to me. In ten seconds, we could make a great transition to whatever came next.

One caution: do make sure to cover any final announcements or words of wisdom before conducting the Spokes Out ritual. It really does punctuate a transition and you’ll struggle to get the group’s full attention back after they’ve done it.

Here’s hoping at least one of these little tips or techniques proves useful, insightful, or helpful for you. Again, if you’ve got other games and activities–or tweaks on these–please let me know in the comments below. I’d love to hear about them!

[1] Thanks and props to my dear friend, colleague and podcast co-host, Lisa Rowland, who taught me this recently.

[2] Thanks also to friends and colleagues Dan Klein, Rebecca Stockley and Erik Olesund for their iterations that showed up in Secret Handshake.

Ted DesMaisons is the founder and principal of Anima Learning, a collaborative consultancy that develops connected presence and response-ability in conscious leaders, learners and presenters. He co-hosts the Monster Baby Podcast (“A curious romp through the worlds of mindfulness and improvisation”) and recently authored his first book, Playful Mindfulness: a joyful journey to everyday confidence calm and connection.